Thursday, June 16, 2011

Gettin All Emotional on Ya

I wouldn't say I'm a super emotional girl but when I do get emotional, it's not pretty. I'm feeling a bit in a ditch today. At first I wasn't sure why. I don't really have anything to be upset about. In fact this afternoon I had a couple of girlfriends over and one of them has "real" problems. Like, life changing devastating problems. Of course that just makes me feel guilty for being in a bad mood to begin with, but that's a whole other post.

With some thought I realized what was bothering me. I had big plans for summer. We wouldn't be taking a lot of trips because we have a lot of work to do around the house but the kids and I were going to enjoy having no schedule. Spending lots of time together just doing whatever we wanted.

The first day was great! Lots of this..

Now it's mostly this...

I was going to spend time with each of them, reading, discussing what we were reading. Well that was not supposed to happen with the 1 year old but you get the idea. I was going to sit outside and soak up the sun while they played on the new fabulous swing set our friends gave us. Oh and also, I was going to be serving lots of healthy snacks and dinners with only the freshest produce{stop laughing at me}. 

Most of you know me well enough by now to know that I do not suffer from "Wonder Woman Syndrome". I have never been under the impression that I can do it all and I certainly have never thought I can do it all well.  So why did I have this vision formulated in my head? And why am I now so upset it has come down to a constant sound of the word "Mooooooom!", bickering and yes...pudding and bags of cheerios for breakfast. Taking four kids to the grocery store? No thank you.

I know why...because I love them with every fiber of my being. I want them to have a joy filled and relaxing Summer. I want them to play, laugh, read great books and snuggle on the couch together watching movies. What I keep forgetting is that those things are happening, just not every moment. I'm letting the not so great parts feed into my fear that someone is getting lost in the shuffle. I want them each to get attention from me. I want to REALLY know each of them.  I am forgetting that I do. I had so much fun going to the library and picking out books I knew they would each love. It was easy... I knew just what topics would bring them joy.
  
I am forgetting that God called ME to be their mother. He has prepared me for such a time as this. I need to focus on the blessing, not the difficulty. God will give me all I need to do this wonderful and difficult job if I just seek Him first.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5

So I will enjoy my after nap snuggles


and the few minutes I have alone with her during bath time

and the moments they are loving on each other {watching the Upside Down Show...upside down of course}

Because as much as I love them and want them to feel treasured, how much more does God want that? 

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." Isaiah49:15-16

What a beautiful thing to know that my children and I are engraved on the palms of the one who created us. How grateful I am for that kind of love.

Tomorrow is a new day. And at the end of this difficult day I still get to line these up...
Thank you Jesus!

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26 comments:

hannah singer said...

amen. great scriptures too.

love you. to bits.

Lindsay - Paint Me A Picture said...

It's hard to remember all this. Why we do what we do. How we can be the mothers God called us to be.
What a great post. So encouraging :)
Hope each day is filled with reminders of God's grace and that He will equip you to be the "Wonder Mom" He desires you to be.

Lora said...

i'm right there with you, my friend! we are on this journey together. :) lora

karen said...

Some days it is a struggle! But thankfully, when we have those rough days, God gives us a "do-over" the next. Love your post....

Sugar Mama said...

So sorry you are feeling this way. I remember when my kids were little I'd have all kinds of things planned for the summer. I had really high expectations & then nothing would go as I had imagined. But we always ended up having a good time. And you will too! :o)

Krista said...

I can relate, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'm sure it is helpful for many other mothers, not just myself!

katie said...

This is exactly what I was feeling last night. I was telling my husband that I had all these big plans for fun this summer and I am already feeling like the bickering takes all the fun away. Oh and that verse...straight to my heart. Thank you.

Heidi said...

It's all to easy to focus on the 'heavy' stuff, isn't it. So happy you were able to re-frame your perspective and expectations. We're still settling into our new summer routine as well - I'm just SO darn thankful for the SUN after our looooong winter. :)

Melissa said...

Thanks for the honest post Jami! It's a reminder we all need. I had one of "those" days where everything went wrong yesterday. When I stopped and called out for help, God blessed me and lifted me up. (If you're interested: http://ticklebugz.blogspot.com/2011/06/daycare-blues.html) You have a whole summer ahead of you to soak up those beautiful moments!

Kelly said...

i think we all make big plans i made a schedule and a chore chart and a food menu before the boys got out of school. Have we followed any of?
UH NO! that's okay we are having fun (most of the time) there are times in the day that 'MOOOOM" is my least favorite word. but, as soon as i realize i just thought that i reverse my thoughts... the alternative would kill me.
i love your heart friend
xxO

Nessa said...

And thank you Jami for these wonderful words.

{cuppakim} said...

you are such a good mama. WANTING those things for your children shows your HEART. Your kids will get that. God knows that. :) He will provide and fill in when you can't, and that is the beauty of walking in his grace. Thanks for being honest and open with us! <3 You are a great example!

chelsea {joy} said...

i love this. what a precious momma you are :) and i love that verse...I am engraved on the palm of His hands. mmm...so sweet! thanks for your words friend.

Megan said...

Such a wonderful post! And I can totally relate. Before summer started, I had all these plans of how we'd have a daily schedule and get so much accomplished and make the most of our days.......yeah, not so much.

The most important thing is to treasure these moments with our kiddos...whether it's our ideal plans or not.

the lowes said...

o wow this was such a blessing to me....

theolivetree said...

beautiful!

Anna of IHOD said...

Jami,
This post brought tears to my eyes. That quote is something Ineed to be reminded of today. And I am glad I am not the only one suffering from Wonder Woman Syndrome! ;)

How blessed we are to be created to be mothers! We just have to remember to continue to go to the source of strength who made us so we can be good ones! :)
Thanks for writing!
Anna

Leslie @ top of the page said...

my kids love the upside down show too :) and that verse in isaiah always makes me want to choke up. engraved on the palms of His hands. wow. i love how you are practicing giving yourself grace. great example and thank you.

Kara said...

I'm sure the picture in my head of what I think I'd do as a stay-at-home mom is very different than what would really happen. I truly believe that if you're a happy mama, you're kids will be too and nothing else matters.

TiffanyAnn said...

This is the story of my life...one of the many stories :o)

Aly @ mommie diaries said...

so many times I focus on the difficulty, as if everything should be rainbows and lollipops allll day long. i think when i look at other blogs and see all the pretty photos and the fun things everyone else is doing, i make myself believe that they do that all day long and it's always pretty and happy at their house. that's so far from the truth, but i think that's part of why i dwell on the bad rather than the good, you know? we put so much pressure on ourselves even when we don't think we do. thanks for reminding me of the blessing, and most importantly that God loves our kids [and us] so so much.

Christy said...

I'm new to you blog. Came from Wiegand's blog! What a wonderful post you did on marriage. Can't wait to read more:)

virginiamae said...

Amen! I needed that today =)

www.StarHughes.com said...

Such a sweet post!!! You sound like such an amazing mom. Don't feel bad about it! I think all moms are super moms / wonder women. You are doing an incredible job!!
Star Hughes Living

Jamie said...

4 at the grocery store? Wow, You are impressive. :0)
What a great post though, really. I think all moms are like that to some degree. We have high expectations, sometimes too high. But you're so so SO right...God made YOU your kids mama because you're the best one for the job! My own mother has had to remind me that a time or two, when I'm totally worn out and feeling like the world's worst mom because I just can't be perfect. The verses you plugged in were perfect. The image of a child being in her mother's heart forever and ever is just beautiful.

Jess said...

That was INCREDIBLE to read. Especially after my day today. My day pretty much was horrible (which I will post about tonight I think). And ever since my second little was born I have dealt with feelings of inadequacy, anger, and hurt over NOT being able to continue being all for my firstborn.
You always hear people say the second was hardest, and once you have any after that, it's kinda old school. But they never explain.
It's because you learn that you CAN'T be everything to #1 anymore. And it pains you to have to say no to that one, "mommy do you want to play with me now?" you KNOW I do sweetie but I'm feeding sister right now.
"Mommy do you want to play barbies with me now?" I totally do but let me finish getting you dinner. Then when dinner is done, *sigh* sister wakes up.
It was DEVASTATING to me to learn that the hard way.
Thank you for reminding me that they ARE engraved on the Palms of HIS hands.