Monday, March 12, 2012

"we encourage" - Yelling & Surrendering

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.
Proverbs 10:19-20

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Psalm 4:4

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am not ashamed to say that the overwhelming responsibility sometimes seems too much for me. Being "on" every minute of the day. They are always watching, listening...I am always modeling. 
Modeling my behavior, my attitude and my words.
Some of these moments are ones God uses to humble me. 
Sometimes doing what is right is humbling.
Yesterday I had one of these moments with J.
I was frustrated with the effort she was putting into her piano practice. And how did I handle it? 
I yelled at her. Not one of my prouder moments. I yelled, she cried and we both fell apart. 
Where does that come from?
I have a theory.
 I want the best for my children. I want them to work hard and develop their skills to the best of their ability. Of course yelling does not accomplish this. I know that. I quickly apologized, she forgave me and we had a great conversation.
 But what am I modeling? I'm modeling a quick temper and lack of grace.
As I was praying and meditating on the verses above, trying to figure out how I was going to get a handle on the yelling, the feeling of being overwhelmed, I came across this verse...

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all: he has compassion on all he has made.
Psalm 145:8-9

All at once, I understood. 
I need to worry less about what I am modeling and worry more about WHO I am modeling. "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love". I believe that. He has shown me that.
Am I showing my children? 
It's a painful question to ask myself.
This I know, I am surrendering this to my heavenly Father. I am praying for Him to do a work on my heart, to help me model Him. This is the only way. 
The only certain way to live out the love I have for them in my heart.
What do you need to surrender?



Stephanie said...

Great word Jami. Lots of wisdom in it. Your kids are blessed to have a momma who has a heart turned to the Lord. Praise God when us mommas make mistakes He is so gracious and compassionate! Yes!

Erin Ledbetter said...

Very thought provoking Jami...I believe being a parent is truly the hardest "job" one may be blessed to have (although I am not a parent at this time). I just wrote a post on love of siblings and how to love them as God does, linked it up...children are little mimickers and "great teachers" for even the parents! Thanks for the post...lots to think about!

Kara @ Just1Step said...

Awesome post, Jami. I have read all of those verses recently on my own and have underlined them in my Bible because they've spoken to me so strongly. You are right - we need to be modeling our Father, not trying to model concepts of what WE think is grace, patience, humility, etc. Such an important thing to remember.

kaylee@life chasers said...

Oh wow, I'm guilty of this also:(. Thank you so much for this. said...

Oh boy did I completely fail at this one this am!

Leslie @ top of the page said...

totally fabulous post. ugh. totally convicted and i LOVE the thought about WHO we're modeling. great one.